Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?

Whenever I go down town with my husband, people are lovely to me. They’ll hold open doors for me, smile , and they’ll get out of my way. When I go down town on my own, its a very different story…

Older women glare at me like I have leprosy, and men are blatantly rude to me. People will block my path even when I’m struggling to control my shopping trolley and I’ve nearly been ran over on crosswalks. I have never been asked if I would like a hand out to the car by the staff at one of the local IGA’s (Which I used to work for, so I know its something they should do); in fact the most help I’ve received is having half of my bagged shopping dropped into the trolley. I come home feeling like there is something wrong with me, like pregnancy is some kind of disease.

Please don’t get me wrong, I most certainly don’t expect to be treated like some princess when I go shopping, it just really gets up me when people will be so nice to me when my husband is visible, but totally rude when he isn’t. I think I’ve figured it out though. I’m treated like shit when my husband isn’t around because I’m being stereotyped. I’m young, I’m heavily pregnant and there isn’t a man in my immediate vicinity. Well, I must be a single mother! Quick, where are the rotten tomatoes?!

What I can’t work out is why there is so much hatred thrown towards young single mothers. A vast majority of people lump them into the dole bludger category. ‘That girl is 16, clearly she got knocked up for the baby bonus and the welfare payments she’ll be entitled to!’ Yes, every single unmarried mother has babies simply for the welfare payments, it has nothing to do with the circumstances or their views on abortion. Oh, and because there is no father in the picture and they’re so young, they’re automatically the worst parent in the world. Just like those heathens who have children out of wedlock!

I’m really over such archaic and backwards opinions. Yes, teen pregnancy isn’t exactly ideal, but these women have chosen to do what they consider to be the right thing. Instead of taking the “easy way out” and terminating, they’re stepping up to the plate for their child. They are sacrificing their education, their career, and even their youth to become mothers. To me, that is admirable. Its sad that they found themselves unexpectedly pregnant, but they’re taking responsibility for their actions. Parenting as a team is hard enough, so I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it would be doing it on your own.

I know that there are some people out there who really do see having babies as a way to get out of work, but its just stupid to believe that every single young woman who is pregnant is a dole bludger. I don’t like being treated like a single mum when I’m in fact happily married and self-sufficient — but it makes me 1,000 angrier that such prejudice exists in the first place. How about we as a society stop being so judgemental and start exercising a little common courtesy, and not just mums-t0-be who have a man in tow.

Follow Up: What’s Wrong With Being a Working Mum?

A while ago I wrote a post asking “What’s wrong with being a working Mum?”. It seems like we, as a society, are stuck in this archaic ideology where a woman’s place is at home and the man ‘brings home the bacon’. I don’t really have a problem with that, in fact that’s how things are working at my house at the moment, I just take issue with it when its expected that as a woman, you will be the one sitting at home with the kids.

One commenter suggested that our government is doing this not to force women to stay at home, but rather because most women choose willingly to stay at home.  A vast majority of mothers who I’ve spoken to would love to stay at home, but for most, its just not financially feasible. Others, like myself, still want to contribute not only to the family income, but have a certain sense of pride and self esteem that doesn’t allow them to take welfare easily.

One Mum that I spoke to had a very passionate response which raised many good points:

Hmmmm don’t even get me started on this one babe, this has been a thorn in my side for a number of years, I was a single mum for a long time and had 2 options bludge or work, my pride and sense of self esteem took me back to work and as soon as I did I was no longer eligible for health care cards, max family benefits or any kind of help at all, my child care was still means tested so because I worked I paid more child care whilst people I knew with a menagerie of children to different fathers on the pension got daycare for nix……aaaaggghhhh fuck why do you need discounted daycare if you don’t work and the government is paying for your lifestyle……

My friend decided that she wanted to go back to work and contribute and so was stripped of all the perks that would have made going back to work easier. Yet someone on welfare, who – lets be honest – doesn’t really need cheap childcare gets it for almost nothing.

My previous article never took into account single parents either. These parents most certainly don’t have the luxury of choice when it comes to staying home. Ignoring the rare case of people who deliberately get knocked up to receive government benefits, many single parents (Like couples) simply can’t afford to not go back to work. Not to mention the hideous bias they cop should they stay at home on welfare. Whilst they may be receiving Healthcare Cards and cash payments, is it really enough for a single, independent parent to feed, clothe and house their family and still have money left over to save for their first home?

In today’s society it seems that we don’t want to encourage people to work for a living. Instead of providing people with incentive to be successful, we’re taxing them even more.  Instead of encouraging parents who want to get back into the work force, we’re making it harder and less appealing for them. It’s nice that if a mother (or father, for that matter) wants to stay at home, there are small perks that make it possible for them to achieve this. I just think that parents who decide to return to the workforce are perhaps equally or more deserving of a few perks. Not everyone has a partner who has a salary double that of the average Australian.