Is It Time Yet? No, Well How About Now?

I’m 38 weeks + 2 days and the signs are there that Liam is ready to say hi, but labour just….doesn’t happen. Its been doing my head in all week and I think I’m at the point where I’m about to explode with frustration. I’ve had a show, crampiness, pressure in my pelvis and random aches and pains all week, but they never eventuate into anything.

I woke up at 6.30am this morning when my husband left for work with some killer tightenings. They’re not insanely painful or anything, but I feel them and that for me is a huge thing (When I went into hospital with threatened pre-term labour I couldn’t feel the contractions, but the CTG showed I was definitely having them!). They’ve been coming on all day, are about 20 minutes apart and last from 30-60 seconds. Now I have a lovely back ache to compliment them.

Instead of running around screaming, “Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmyGOD!” and scrambling to cram the last few things into my suitcase and hospital bag, I’ve been calm, level headed and, well, skeptical. My husband and my mum know whats going on, but I’ve told them both not to get too excited. These puppies don’t seem to be getting any stronger or closer so I haven’t even bothered calling the midwives. I’ve already categorised these “things” as another false alarm even though they haven’t gone away after my afternoon nap. I won’t even pick up the phone and query the hospital as to whether I should cruise in or not until I can’t talk through the pain because I just find it so unlikely that anything less than that is labour.

Earlier in the week I think I tried every possible old wives tale to get this labour rolling. I’ve eaten thousands of curries, enjoyed a few romps under the sheets, soaked myself in baths, drank gallons of raspberry leaf tea and have been for long drives on bumpy roads. Nothing. He just isn’t ready to come out yet and its really getting to me! (Before anyone mentions it, yes I know I’m not overdue, or even full term yet..but thanks to diabetes I’ve been fighting an uphill battle to be allowed to go this far, let alone be allowed to go into spontaneous labour!) Add all that effort to the signs that labour is close but is yet to eventuate and you get one cranky, disappointed and agitated pregnant lady.

I’m running out of coping mechanisms and I need your help! If you’ve given birth, please share with me how you made it through the last few weeks! You can leave your stories in the comments, or email me at geraldtonblog@gmail.com. I look forward to your responses

Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?

Whenever I go down town with my husband, people are lovely to me. They’ll hold open doors for me, smile , and they’ll get out of my way. When I go down town on my own, its a very different story…

Older women glare at me like I have leprosy, and men are blatantly rude to me. People will block my path even when I’m struggling to control my shopping trolley and I’ve nearly been ran over on crosswalks. I have never been asked if I would like a hand out to the car by the staff at one of the local IGA’s (Which I used to work for, so I know its something they should do); in fact the most help I’ve received is having half of my bagged shopping dropped into the trolley. I come home feeling like there is something wrong with me, like pregnancy is some kind of disease.

Please don’t get me wrong, I most certainly don’t expect to be treated like some princess when I go shopping, it just really gets up me when people will be so nice to me when my husband is visible, but totally rude when he isn’t. I think I’ve figured it out though. I’m treated like shit when my husband isn’t around because I’m being stereotyped. I’m young, I’m heavily pregnant and there isn’t a man in my immediate vicinity. Well, I must be a single mother! Quick, where are the rotten tomatoes?!

What I can’t work out is why there is so much hatred thrown towards young single mothers. A vast majority of people lump them into the dole bludger category. ‘That girl is 16, clearly she got knocked up for the baby bonus and the welfare payments she’ll be entitled to!’ Yes, every single unmarried mother has babies simply for the welfare payments, it has nothing to do with the circumstances or their views on abortion. Oh, and because there is no father in the picture and they’re so young, they’re automatically the worst parent in the world. Just like those heathens who have children out of wedlock!

I’m really over such archaic and backwards opinions. Yes, teen pregnancy isn’t exactly ideal, but these women have chosen to do what they consider to be the right thing. Instead of taking the “easy way out” and terminating, they’re stepping up to the plate for their child. They are sacrificing their education, their career, and even their youth to become mothers. To me, that is admirable. Its sad that they found themselves unexpectedly pregnant, but they’re taking responsibility for their actions. Parenting as a team is hard enough, so I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it would be doing it on your own.

I know that there are some people out there who really do see having babies as a way to get out of work, but its just stupid to believe that every single young woman who is pregnant is a dole bludger. I don’t like being treated like a single mum when I’m in fact happily married and self-sufficient — but it makes me 1,000 angrier that such prejudice exists in the first place. How about we as a society stop being so judgemental and start exercising a little common courtesy, and not just mums-t0-be who have a man in tow.

This Week’s Top Six

Sorry that posting hasn’t been great lately. I’ve been fighting off Migraines all week and computer work really doesn’t help the case. Anyhow, here are my top six picks for this week. Enjoy!

• The High Court Rejects a challenge to the Federal Government’s $900 stimulus payment So we will be getting our “free” money (that isn’t really free) after all. How will you spend it? – news.com.au
• And Deliver Us By Google shows how a Dad to be used a little ingenuity in a time of crisis – Babble Australia
• The World According to Mom is an exciting project which asks mothers from across the world about the five things they love (or don’t love) the most about being a parent – Her Bad Mother
• Woman delayed birth to drink grog is a look at the tragic alcohol abuse that occurs in Halls Creek – The Australian
• Are Working Mothers (And Fathers) Discriminated Against looks at how parents fare in the workplace against their childless rivals – Babble Australia
• 10 Things To Do Before You Become a Parent is a hilarious read about the “luxuries” that you’ll lose once you become a parent – Her Bad Mother

Opinion: Do Dads Draw the Short Straw?

I’ve been dancing around this post for a while now. I know what points I want to make, but I’m having a hard time trying to put it into words. Recently some rather horrible things happened to some people I know quite well and I’m struggling to get my mind around something. It seems to me that men draw the short straw when it comes to all things pregnancy and baby.

I’ll use this example to try and clarify what I mean. A person very close to me found out that his girlfriend was expecting. He already sees the baby as his child, but his girlfriend is terminating regardless of how he feels and is refusing to talk to him about it. While they’re not in the best position to raise a child and perhaps it may be for the best, he is shattered that as quickly as he became a father, he’s about to have it taken away from him.

Some may argue that should she keep the baby, he could change his mind later on down the track  leaving her with a responsibility she didn’t want, but that does not change the fact that right now there is nothing he can do to prevent what will be the death of his child. As you can probably imagine, he isn’t coping too well. (Please note that I am in no way saying that women shouldn’t have a choice in what they do with their bodies – I’m merely pointing out how helpless a man can be in these situations and that would royally suck to be in those shoes.) In pregnancy and birth, a man has no control over the outcome.

I recently read an article titled On Fatherhood over at Babble Australia where the author makes the following comment on becoming a father and the hurdles that he had to overcome:

I’m a guy, I don’t like things I can’t have at least SOME degree of control over, and I had absolutely no control over this whatsoever. I think that was one of the hardest yet most important lessons I learned from the pregnancy – that it’s OK to not be in control, that acceptance and support are in fact more important than the desire to “help” or fix things in many cases. Fighting the natural instinct to “fix things” was an interesting journey of its own!

So, does this analogy count in the example of my friend who has no say on whether or not his girlfriend aborts? While I think he’s accepted that he’s not in control of the situation, is he obligated to accept and support his girlfriend even when she’s not willing to accept or support him? I guess it depends on their relationship.

I know the time is going to come when my husband finds himself in the shoes of  ‘the guy who drew the short straw’. When I read my previous post to him he got a sad little look in his eyes. I only want one child, but he really wants more. While I’ve taken into account his arguement for more children, I can’t get past the fact that I may not be strong enough to go through another pregnancy. While he has accepted that ultimately I am in control of my uterus, it does seem unfair on him that his own desires get shoved aside. What affect will that have on our marriage…well I’ll guess we’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.

Does Only Child Automatically Equal Spoilt Brat?

For those of you who know me personally, you’ll know how much of a struggle this pregnancy has been. Both Liam and I have had our share of health problems – the most serious one is still ongoing – as well as a string of emotional and financial hurdles that my husband and I have worked through and (hopefully!) conquered. I would be lying if I said that these experiences really hadn’t put a dampener on my adventures into the world of breeding.

I can’t remember at what point exactly that it happened, but somewhere in my muddled head something became very clear. I was never going to do this again. Period. Liam will be our first and only child. I don’t care if Mike and I had previously decided that two or three would be an ideal number; he doesn’t have to carry the bloody things inside him for nine months and I am damned if I’m going through this again.

When I tell people that Liam will be an only child, they automatically frown at me. Don’t I know that two is better? Do I realise he’ll just grow up to be a spoilt brat without any siblings to keep him in check? You know what, if you’re basing your decision to have more than one child soley on the fact that your first may grow up with an inability to share, then I think that perhaps you’re missing something pretty important about the fundamentals of parenting.

There are so many decisions that need to be taken into account when you decide to have your first child and I don’t see why it wouldn’t be the same for any subsequent spawn that you decide to have. It’s all well and good to decree that more than one is better because the first won’t be a snotty nosed brat, but what if you simply can’t afford to have more? What if for health reasons it is ill advised to conceive another child? What ever happened to instilling good morals and values onto your existing child to ensure that they understand the importance of manners and sharing?

I’ve met plenty of selfish, arrogant people who come from big families. I’ve also met more than a fair share of people who were kind, respectful and considerate who were also only children. I don’t for a second believe that being an only child automatically makes you the schoolyard bully. In fact, I’d be more inclined to say that the youngest child in big families are generally more spoilt than only children. I just look at my own younger brother or my husband to see how easy they got things growing up compared to us “experimental” older children.

Well look at me, I’ve just gone and stereotyped a whole bunch of people in this post and thats just as wrong as those who feel that Liam will be a drama queen based soley on the fact that he’ll be the only child to rent my womb for nine months. I honestly don’t believe that my little man is going to be a monster simply because he will be an only child. I genuinely feel that it all boils down to how we raise him.