This Weeks Top Six

My poor little blog has been so neglected. Its time to show it some love! Here are what I feel are the most interesting stories floating around in cyberspace this week:

• IVF Budget Cuts – What’s Your Verdict? It appears Rudd will be cutting taxpayer-funded financial aid to those using IVF when he announces his federal Budget on Tuesday – Money Mum
• Breastfeeding Debate Revived After Death of British Mother Is breastfeeding to blame for this tragedy, or the lack of support available for mothers who struggle to ‘get it right’? – news.com.au
• A New Analogy! Breastfeeding = Bloodied Corpses Those opposing new legislation in the wind to protect the rights of mothers and children to breastfeed in public are getting increasingly desperate. – Hoyden About Town
• Dads Don’t Babysit Damn right Dad’s don’t babysit! Its called being a parent – they’re not hired help! – Babble Australia
• Barack, Miley move up; baby names Emma, Jacob rule Names that are most popular right now in the good ol’ US of A – Associated Press
• One Sculpture – a thousand words is CREEPY!!!! Go, look at it now! – Jezebel

Why Do Mums Judge Other Mums So Harshly?

After reading The Case Against Breastfeeding: Is it Anti-Feminist? over at PhD in Parenting and then being verbally chastised in public yesterday about my choice in sleeping arrangements for when baby Liam arrives, I realised something quite alarming. Where Mums should be banding together to support one another, they’re some of the worst critics a new mother will encounter. So, why do mums judge other mums so harshly?

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of being judgemental of other mums. I have a friend who pretty much exclusively feeds her child chicken nuggets. I have another friend who doesn’t believe that children should have a set bedtime or be encouraged to sit at the table when eating meals. I look at some of their methods of parenting and I’m horrified. They’re basically my guide on what not to do when raising kids. Why do I do it though? If my friends feel that Nuggets and no structure in the family home are whats best for their kids, then what business is it of mine? They’re not related to me, I don’t have any personal investment in those children and I’m not the one who’s going to have to deal with any problems it may cause down the track.

The same goes for breastfeeding. Why do other mums feel that what works for them should work for everyone? What works for one family isn’t necessarily going to work for someone elses. I plan to breastfeed, but I understand that things may conspire against me and it may not play out that way. Just like how I want to have a natural birth, or I want Liam to be the next Einstein. Sometimes life doesn’t work out the way we want it, and other mums should understand that. So why is it, for example, breastfeeding Mums look at Mums who use formula like they’re feeding their child Sulfuric Acid?

I was raised on formula food; not because my mum was lazy and hated me, but rather because due to a medical condition she had no choice. She wanted to breastfeed so bad, and she tried her darned hardest to get it to work, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I like to think that even though she fed me toxic waste formula, I turned out okay. At last look I could hold conversation with other people and I only drool when I’m alseep. We have the health benefits rammed down our throats about breastfeeding, so people who choose not to do it have their reasons and its not our place to judge.

Mum has been an amazing help through this pregnancy, and I love asking her for her advice on all things baby. Afterall, I happen to think she did a bloody good job raising me! So now, because I’ve taken her advice, it feeels like I’m the only Mum in the universe who has a bassinett and plans to use cloth nappies over disposables. I mentioned to one of our friends who has a 5 month old baby that I brought a bassinett so Liam could sleep in our bedroom for the first few months and was quite agressively told that I was “wrong to do that and that he should only be in our room for the first few weeks”. Um, okay. So, are you saying my mother was wrong? That is, afterall, how she raised me.

While I appreciate people offering their opinions, I do take issue with being judged needlessly. I am going to do things my way regardless of whether you think its right or wrong. I have my reasons for wanting him in with us for the first few months, one of them being that he has a congenital deformity in his right kidney. I shouldn’t need to justify my decision, least of all to a person who doesn’t live in our house, understand the dynamics of my relationships, or know the source of my information. Also, while I say that I want Liam in our bedroom for the first few months, it may not work out that way. If he doesn’t fit in the bassinett, then he’ll be in the nursery sleeping in the cot and I’ll have the baby monitor glued to my ear. Ironically though, should I put Liam in the cot with a baby monitor, my Mum will think that I’m the worst parent in the world. There is no winning!

New mothers have so many challenges to face when their baby comes into the world, and it really is sad that people who could offer help and guidance instead choose to criticise and judge. I have a feeling that the phrase, “What is right me and my family may not necessarily be right for yours.” will be one I say alot during the next 18 years.