Why Are You Looking At Me Like That?

Whenever I go down town with my husband, people are lovely to me. They’ll hold open doors for me, smile , and they’ll get out of my way. When I go down town on my own, its a very different story…

Older women glare at me like I have leprosy, and men are blatantly rude to me. People will block my path even when I’m struggling to control my shopping trolley and I’ve nearly been ran over on crosswalks. I have never been asked if I would like a hand out to the car by the staff at one of the local IGA’s (Which I used to work for, so I know its something they should do); in fact the most help I’ve received is having half of my bagged shopping dropped into the trolley. I come home feeling like there is something wrong with me, like pregnancy is some kind of disease.

Please don’t get me wrong, I most certainly don’t expect to be treated like some princess when I go shopping, it just really gets up me when people will be so nice to me when my husband is visible, but totally rude when he isn’t. I think I’ve figured it out though. I’m treated like shit when my husband isn’t around because I’m being stereotyped. I’m young, I’m heavily pregnant and there isn’t a man in my immediate vicinity. Well, I must be a single mother! Quick, where are the rotten tomatoes?!

What I can’t work out is why there is so much hatred thrown towards young single mothers. A vast majority of people lump them into the dole bludger category. ‘That girl is 16, clearly she got knocked up for the baby bonus and the welfare payments she’ll be entitled to!’ Yes, every single unmarried mother has babies simply for the welfare payments, it has nothing to do with the circumstances or their views on abortion. Oh, and because there is no father in the picture and they’re so young, they’re automatically the worst parent in the world. Just like those heathens who have children out of wedlock!

I’m really over such archaic and backwards opinions. Yes, teen pregnancy isn’t exactly ideal, but these women have chosen to do what they consider to be the right thing. Instead of taking the “easy way out” and terminating, they’re stepping up to the plate for their child. They are sacrificing their education, their career, and even their youth to become mothers. To me, that is admirable. Its sad that they found themselves unexpectedly pregnant, but they’re taking responsibility for their actions. Parenting as a team is hard enough, so I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it would be doing it on your own.

I know that there are some people out there who really do see having babies as a way to get out of work, but its just stupid to believe that every single young woman who is pregnant is a dole bludger. I don’t like being treated like a single mum when I’m in fact happily married and self-sufficient — but it makes me 1,000 angrier that such prejudice exists in the first place. How about we as a society stop being so judgemental and start exercising a little common courtesy, and not just mums-t0-be who have a man in tow.

Opinion: Do Dads Draw the Short Straw?

I’ve been dancing around this post for a while now. I know what points I want to make, but I’m having a hard time trying to put it into words. Recently some rather horrible things happened to some people I know quite well and I’m struggling to get my mind around something. It seems to me that men draw the short straw when it comes to all things pregnancy and baby.

I’ll use this example to try and clarify what I mean. A person very close to me found out that his girlfriend was expecting. He already sees the baby as his child, but his girlfriend is terminating regardless of how he feels and is refusing to talk to him about it. While they’re not in the best position to raise a child and perhaps it may be for the best, he is shattered that as quickly as he became a father, he’s about to have it taken away from him.

Some may argue that should she keep the baby, he could change his mind later on down the track  leaving her with a responsibility she didn’t want, but that does not change the fact that right now there is nothing he can do to prevent what will be the death of his child. As you can probably imagine, he isn’t coping too well. (Please note that I am in no way saying that women shouldn’t have a choice in what they do with their bodies – I’m merely pointing out how helpless a man can be in these situations and that would royally suck to be in those shoes.) In pregnancy and birth, a man has no control over the outcome.

I recently read an article titled On Fatherhood over at Babble Australia where the author makes the following comment on becoming a father and the hurdles that he had to overcome:

I’m a guy, I don’t like things I can’t have at least SOME degree of control over, and I had absolutely no control over this whatsoever. I think that was one of the hardest yet most important lessons I learned from the pregnancy – that it’s OK to not be in control, that acceptance and support are in fact more important than the desire to “help” or fix things in many cases. Fighting the natural instinct to “fix things” was an interesting journey of its own!

So, does this analogy count in the example of my friend who has no say on whether or not his girlfriend aborts? While I think he’s accepted that he’s not in control of the situation, is he obligated to accept and support his girlfriend even when she’s not willing to accept or support him? I guess it depends on their relationship.

I know the time is going to come when my husband finds himself in the shoes of  ‘the guy who drew the short straw’. When I read my previous post to him he got a sad little look in his eyes. I only want one child, but he really wants more. While I’ve taken into account his arguement for more children, I can’t get past the fact that I may not be strong enough to go through another pregnancy. While he has accepted that ultimately I am in control of my uterus, it does seem unfair on him that his own desires get shoved aside. What affect will that have on our marriage…well I’ll guess we’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.